Thursday, January 27, 2011
Unmentionables
So over the past month or so I have been on a quest to find the ultimate "unmentionable".... I have found as 29 and holding approaches,.. I need a super suit. (Girls- you know this is a correct statement) This perfect undergarment must not only lift and look natural... It must lift, look natural, not produce back fat, be smooth under t-shirts, create a perfect silhouette (As much as I do enjoy Madonna- a few of her unmentionables would put your eyes out- it is a safety concern) keep cleavage intact and out of my throat, be bounce free, comfort is of the upmost importance and NOT look like an old lady let me borrow hers. I would also like it to be economical, because if such a super suit existed.. the ones in the drawer would have to be thrown away. It is a lot to ask of a small undergarment. But I have no shame in asking it- see a need- someone fill a need! I am pretty sure no such thing exist.. but it should. We can send a man to the moon, create medicine in a petri dish, wash dishes in an electrical cube, and track a package across the world with a few clips on a keyboard... why can't we create an unmentionable that works? So I call on you Playtex, Bali, Victoria- heck I would even consider you Fredrick... create something that works. Once you have a solution- prove it.. prove it with models that have real oobies and not the ones that defy gravity at the age of 90... It is the ultimate challenge- One that 50% of the population would benefit from (a huh- it is that SERIOUS)....Game On!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Mystical Unicorns
So no longer fearing that I will tarnish the imagine that I live with shiny, mystical unicorns that enjoy tap dancing to the song "On The Goodship Lollipop" down the yellow brick road, in hopes of finding the brilliantly colored rainbow so they can frolic in the pot of gold... I gotta tell ya-
During the summer months, when the kids are home, most days are stress free. Why? Well, we have the luxury of a pee free,private pool in our backyard. When things get a little "iffy", I soak everyone down in spf 50 and truck on out the back door. We get some exercise, we soak in the sun and enjoy the afternoon with the grand finale-....wait for it...... Popsicles. Oh yea, it is a huge deal.
Unfortunately, during the winter months, when the kids are home for over two weeks... this is NOT the case. It is cold and/or wet. We are all couped up for the most part and tempers flare. Let me go ahead and debunk the myth that Cage Fighting is basically a Vegas attraction. My house, located in Smalltown, Alabama is now an elaborate arena - or cage. We have encounter the following but not limited too altercations-
A fist "accidentally" landed in someone's face
A foot was in the "way" and tripped someone
A cry because someone was laughing at the other one
A fit because someone didn't throw the game and let the other person win "again"
Accusations that someone hurt someone's feelings
Hair pulling
Stomping
Running from across the room and jumping on an innocent person...
and so on and so on and so on!
Our little guinea pig, Porkchop is indeed a "slut animal". We know this because one morning we found two additional little (adorable) fur balls in her condo. I witnessed the husband, squatting down in front of the said "slut animal's" house, while bobbing and weaving his head to ask her "Who Your Baby Daddy?". ahem....... We have had several serious issues to address that would shake even the strongest of foundations. Toss in a couple major holidays and overeating during the past weeks.... and YES, What I have described is...
SEASON ONE- JERRY SPRINGER. Am I embarrassed? Well, Yea! Fresh out of Unicorns.
As each day comes to an end, we have what you might call a routine, or structure.... or Rut we all follow. Let me give you the highlights-
Mackenzie, being the loving child she is, gives out her sweet hugs and I love you's to everyone including the tiny terror that has made her life miserable that day. She heads on up the stairs to her room to soak in a little quiet. I allow her to watch an hour or two of Disney Channel and/or read a book each night. I feel she needs this. Now, Kenzie with being the smart cookie that she is and housing so much Moxy in a little person's body, I feel it is safe to say she is also building a battle plan for the upcoming combat she will surely face with her brother when the sun comes up. Safe Bet!
Now, when it comes to Walker- it is the same script.
Me- " Walker, here is your binkie (brushing the hair off his brow), let's get you all snuggie in this bed"
Walker- ( HUGE, innocent eyes looking up) "I yoves you, mommy.... I will sees ya in the morning..... good nights.... I will miss you- so, so, so much"
Me- "You know I love you to the moon and back... and that is a long, long way. I will be here when you wake up sweet angel"
You would think that would be the grand finale of the day - but nope, the chatter then begins. We have to discuss what he liked and didn't like during the day. He tells me he is soooo "Haun-gree". I tell him "no" at first, but always give in since he is a whopping 32 lbs and I can not stand the thought of him actually being hungry. After an hour of I need water, I gotta go potty, and chilling conversation.. he falls a sleep.
EXCEPT- one night this past weekend he tossed me a curve ball. Call it children's intuition... but he knew what I needed..
Me- "Walker here is your binkie, let me get you all snuggie in this bed."
Walker-(Same beautiful eyes looking up) "Mommy, I yoves you to the moon and back and you say that is a big, big way"
Me- (leaning in to kiss his forehead) " Walker, I do love you to the moon and back and it is a big, big way! I think you are so awesome"
Walker- " I think you are awesome too mommy"
and he rolls over. What no chit chat? No food request? Just peace... PEACE!
Welcome back shiny, mystical unicorns... I MISSED YOU!
Time Lapse 15/20 minutes...
Mackenzie enters the room.."Mommy my stomach hurts" and POOF! Damn Unicorns are GONE!
Have a great day! :)
During the summer months, when the kids are home, most days are stress free. Why? Well, we have the luxury of a pee free,private pool in our backyard. When things get a little "iffy", I soak everyone down in spf 50 and truck on out the back door. We get some exercise, we soak in the sun and enjoy the afternoon with the grand finale-....wait for it...... Popsicles. Oh yea, it is a huge deal.
Unfortunately, during the winter months, when the kids are home for over two weeks... this is NOT the case. It is cold and/or wet. We are all couped up for the most part and tempers flare. Let me go ahead and debunk the myth that Cage Fighting is basically a Vegas attraction. My house, located in Smalltown, Alabama is now an elaborate arena - or cage. We have encounter the following but not limited too altercations-
A fist "accidentally" landed in someone's face
A foot was in the "way" and tripped someone
A cry because someone was laughing at the other one
A fit because someone didn't throw the game and let the other person win "again"
Accusations that someone hurt someone's feelings
Hair pulling
Stomping
Running from across the room and jumping on an innocent person...
and so on and so on and so on!
Our little guinea pig, Porkchop is indeed a "slut animal". We know this because one morning we found two additional little (adorable) fur balls in her condo. I witnessed the husband, squatting down in front of the said "slut animal's" house, while bobbing and weaving his head to ask her "Who Your Baby Daddy?". ahem....... We have had several serious issues to address that would shake even the strongest of foundations. Toss in a couple major holidays and overeating during the past weeks.... and YES, What I have described is...
SEASON ONE- JERRY SPRINGER. Am I embarrassed? Well, Yea! Fresh out of Unicorns.
As each day comes to an end, we have what you might call a routine, or structure.... or Rut we all follow. Let me give you the highlights-
Mackenzie, being the loving child she is, gives out her sweet hugs and I love you's to everyone including the tiny terror that has made her life miserable that day. She heads on up the stairs to her room to soak in a little quiet. I allow her to watch an hour or two of Disney Channel and/or read a book each night. I feel she needs this. Now, Kenzie with being the smart cookie that she is and housing so much Moxy in a little person's body, I feel it is safe to say she is also building a battle plan for the upcoming combat she will surely face with her brother when the sun comes up. Safe Bet!
Now, when it comes to Walker- it is the same script.
Me- " Walker, here is your binkie (brushing the hair off his brow), let's get you all snuggie in this bed"
Walker- ( HUGE, innocent eyes looking up) "I yoves you, mommy.... I will sees ya in the morning..... good nights.... I will miss you- so, so, so much"
Me- "You know I love you to the moon and back... and that is a long, long way. I will be here when you wake up sweet angel"
You would think that would be the grand finale of the day - but nope, the chatter then begins. We have to discuss what he liked and didn't like during the day. He tells me he is soooo "Haun-gree". I tell him "no" at first, but always give in since he is a whopping 32 lbs and I can not stand the thought of him actually being hungry. After an hour of I need water, I gotta go potty, and chilling conversation.. he falls a sleep.
EXCEPT- one night this past weekend he tossed me a curve ball. Call it children's intuition... but he knew what I needed..
Me- "Walker here is your binkie, let me get you all snuggie in this bed."
Walker-(Same beautiful eyes looking up) "Mommy, I yoves you to the moon and back and you say that is a big, big way"
Me- (leaning in to kiss his forehead) " Walker, I do love you to the moon and back and it is a big, big way! I think you are so awesome"
Walker- " I think you are awesome too mommy"
and he rolls over. What no chit chat? No food request? Just peace... PEACE!
Welcome back shiny, mystical unicorns... I MISSED YOU!
Time Lapse 15/20 minutes...
Mackenzie enters the room.."Mommy my stomach hurts" and POOF! Damn Unicorns are GONE!
Have a great day! :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
When All Seems Lost
You know I think Mr. Gump was onto something... let me explain-
Last night, I piled up in the bed with a box Whitman's Chocolates... I knew the first of the year means to straighten up my eating habits that have turned all willy nilly over the past few months... so I thought I would eat all temptations in one sitting (I know- genius)... and while I was biting into each little piece of chocolate it hit me like a TON of bricks. Mr. Gump was correct in listening to his momma. Life is like a box of chocolates and unfortunately most of the little pieces SUCK. Bad attitude? Perhaps...but I am working on it... see below
I sent a post out on New Year's stating I was shutting my blog down- I have received A LOT of emails as to why.... Well, I have thought long and hard about this. This is a personal topic, I would normally not share. Cade has encouraged me to talk to my friends. I was somewhat reluctant to do this... I still am. In all fairness there are two sides to every story. Talking would perpetuate a problem or make him seem like some rabid animal chewing out my heart- which he is NOT. So I have decided to return to what I have always done at one point or another in my life and that is to write it down. It is therapy. I made a huge error in judgement shutting it out. If something brings you joy, you should never feel you don't deserve it. So let me explain-
My marriage, like all marriages has had its ups and downs. I will not get into details.. but I can tell you this- never hide from your problems... it makes everything worse. That said- There comes a point and time when someone has to quit sweeping the issues under the carpet and make waves. I have made waves and for over a week, I had a large hole in my lifesaving device. So.... We have argued, I have cried and we have made knew vows to each other in an attempt to correct the error of our ways. As I pull up my big girl panties to move forward and not be a quitter... I am thankful for this outlet. May the post be funny or true life. I need to write. I need to document.. I need the therapy.
So thanks for reading- and I wish us all happiness and contentment. It's important. Being a parent doesn't mean giving up yourself. It doesn't mean you live with regrets or the feeling you owe someone for your life. Being a stay at home mom doesn't make you less important - If anything- It makes you a hero to the little people in your lives.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Last night, I piled up in the bed with a box Whitman's Chocolates... I knew the first of the year means to straighten up my eating habits that have turned all willy nilly over the past few months... so I thought I would eat all temptations in one sitting (I know- genius)... and while I was biting into each little piece of chocolate it hit me like a TON of bricks. Mr. Gump was correct in listening to his momma. Life is like a box of chocolates and unfortunately most of the little pieces SUCK. Bad attitude? Perhaps...but I am working on it... see below
I sent a post out on New Year's stating I was shutting my blog down- I have received A LOT of emails as to why.... Well, I have thought long and hard about this. This is a personal topic, I would normally not share. Cade has encouraged me to talk to my friends. I was somewhat reluctant to do this... I still am. In all fairness there are two sides to every story. Talking would perpetuate a problem or make him seem like some rabid animal chewing out my heart- which he is NOT. So I have decided to return to what I have always done at one point or another in my life and that is to write it down. It is therapy. I made a huge error in judgement shutting it out. If something brings you joy, you should never feel you don't deserve it. So let me explain-
My marriage, like all marriages has had its ups and downs. I will not get into details.. but I can tell you this- never hide from your problems... it makes everything worse. That said- There comes a point and time when someone has to quit sweeping the issues under the carpet and make waves. I have made waves and for over a week, I had a large hole in my lifesaving device. So.... We have argued, I have cried and we have made knew vows to each other in an attempt to correct the error of our ways. As I pull up my big girl panties to move forward and not be a quitter... I am thankful for this outlet. May the post be funny or true life. I need to write. I need to document.. I need the therapy.
So thanks for reading- and I wish us all happiness and contentment. It's important. Being a parent doesn't mean giving up yourself. It doesn't mean you live with regrets or the feeling you owe someone for your life. Being a stay at home mom doesn't make you less important - If anything- It makes you a hero to the little people in your lives.
Hugs,
Jennifer
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